The story so far: Darklis and Nikole are trying their hand at cat burglary, collecting items for their Thieves' Guild exam. Naturally, the first thing they do is get treed by a dog.

Darklis is hanging in fear of a *beagle*?

Darklis feels very silly.

Nikole pulls Darklis up onto the balcony!

The dog screeches to a halt underneath the balcony, and sits on its haunches, barking deep volleys. Arf! Arf!

The watchman waves his hat at you. "Come down from there! I see you!"

Nikole checks the door into the house.

Darklis isn't here! She scrambles over the balcony!

The door has a simple latch, which any thief worth her salt could disable in ten seconds.

Nikole pulls Darklis over to the latch!

Darklis, being a thief worth her salt, disables it in ten seconds! Or less!

The watchman calls, "Come down or I'll have the city watch on you!" His beagle continues to bark.

Twelve seconds, to be precise. The door swings open.

Inside all is dark and perfumed with a heavy, floral scent. The floor under your hands and knees is piled carpet.

Darklis hmphs. "Hurry!" she hisses, and sneaks in behind Nikole. "Ew. Stinks."

Nikole rolls out of the way so Darklis can get in, and pushes the door shut when she does.

The barking grows fainter.

Nikole tries to make as little noise as possible, so it will take some time for the guard to realize they're in the house.

Nikole wrinkles her nose at the smell, and waits to bit to see if her eyes will adjust.

Darklis whispers, "Can you see anything?"

After a minute, you can make out the shapes of furniture: bed, table, chair, mirror, big hulking thing.

Nikole whispers, "Not much! It's a bedroom..."

The sound of faint breathing reaches your ears.

Darklis could tell /that/. "Where do you think -- eep. What's that?"

Nikole isn't breathing!

Whoever is breathing is doing it very quickly, as though nervous.

Nikole closes her eyes and listens very carefully. Where is it?

The breathing is coming from over by the bed.

Nikole crawls very slowly around the bed, so that whoever it is will be silhouetted against the line of light from under the door.

Darklis creeps after Nikole.

No silouhette. The bed is either empty or occupied by a very flat person.

Darklis pauses in creeping, and consideringly reaches out to lift the covers of the bed to look *under* the bed.

Under the bed it's completely dark.

The rapid breathing is very nearby now, though. Now that you think of it, it could be an animal's. Or a small child's.

Darklis whispers, "Hello?" under the bed.

No answer.

Nikole sniffs, trying to get a whiff of who or whatever it is over the horrible perfume stench.

From somewhere else in the house, you can hear voices being raised in expostulation.

Darklis squeaks. "The poems!"

Nikole hisses, "Poems don't breathe!"

Nikole is almost certain that it's a dog. There's something distinctive about the smell of Overfed Canine.

Nikole whispers, "Dogs breathe!"

Darklis hisses, "Who cares about the dog! We need the poems and to *escape*!"

Nikole reaches toward the breathing, carefully. "Nice puppy. Nice dog, good dog. You won't bark, will you? No, you won't."

Move voices from downstairs. One of them, a baritone, is particularly loud.

Nikole's fingers encounter soft fur. There's a whimper, and then a startled "Yip!"

Nikole says "Ssh! Sh! Good puppy! Quiet puppy!"

Darklis looks exasperated, and crawls around Nikole, looking for whatever the hell a boudoir is.

"Yip! Yip! Yip!"

Darklis whispers, "Make it be *quiet*!

Nikole puts her hand over the dog's mouth, *not* where it can be bitten!

Darklis climbs to her feet and looks around. Can she see any better from up here?

The dog growls in protest and wriggles, trying to sink its teeth into Nikole's hand.

It's fairly dark, but there's definitely a table with some stuff on it, and a dresser. And a big hulking wardrobe.

Darklis checks the table, first.

Footsteps. Distant and downstairs, but coming closer.

Nikole tries to get the dog to be *quiet*! "Hush, hush!"

Darklis, very carefully, pats her hands over the table. Gleep. She doesn't want to knock anything over.

Smooth wood, bristles - that's a brush. Cut glass, something soft, more wood, a large box, a sheaf of paper tied with ribbon.

The dog is not mollified by having its mouth held shut. "Ymmph! Ymmph!"

Heavy footsteps coming up the stairs.

Darklis snatches the paper and whispers, "I found it!"

Nikole hisses, "Are you - nice dog! Shut *up*! - sure?"

Darklis whispers, "No, but we haven't got much time!"

Two sets of footsteps are coming down the hall, one distinctly masculine, one the lighter tapping of heels.

Darklis adds, "Shit!"

Nikole listens for the guard still outside!

You can't hear anything from outside. The barking has stopped.

Nikole hushes the dog one more time and crawls for the door!

The dog quiets, with an injured sniff.

Nikole pulls the door open *verrry* quietly!

Now you can hear voices. "Oh, Stanley, be careful - my poor little Muffins" and "Quiet now, let's get the jump on them" and things like that.

Mercifully, the door does not squeak.

Darklis darts around the end of the bed towards the door, clutching the papers.

Nikole holds the door open for Darklis and then follows her through!

Darklis looks over the edge of the balcony. Dogs? No dogs?

Dark.

The door to the room starts to open, slowly.

Nikole pushes the door closed, *quietly*!

Darklis repeats, "Well, shit," and starts to climb back down, holding her breath. No dogs! No dogs! No dogs! Think good thoughts! No dogs!

A light flickers, inside the room. "All right,you ruffians, hands up!" says the male voice. "Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip!" answers Muffins, indignantly.

Nikole makes her own check for dogs and guards and Stupid Boys; if none are apparent, she swings over the railing, hangs by her hands, and drops to the grass.

"Ow! Let go, stupid dog!" "Muffins!"

Darklis whispers, "I love that dog," as she drops to the ground, and glances both ways before heading for the gate.

The gate is around the corner of the houser.

Nikole giggles and scampers for the gate!

As Nikole rounds the corner, the watchman yells, "Hah!" in triumph and waves his torch at her.

Darklis comes running right behind Nikole and lets out a little squeak and with quite the disregard for sense or personal safety makes a good run at the guard to knock him over!

Nikole dives at the guard's legs!

The beagle, growling now instead of barking, sinks its teeth into Darklis' ankle!

Nikole can't let Darklis show less sense than her!

Darklis lets out a strangled yelp. It would be unstrangled but some small part of her evidently teeny tiny mind is still trying to be quiet. She kicks at the dog with her other foot.

Darklis' foot connects with Nikole's knee, with beautiful precision. This causes her to go flying into the guard a bit more abruptly than planned, and both go down in a heap.

Nikole oofs as she gets a guard-knee right in the tummy, but scrambles to her feet, stepping all over the guard in the process if at all possible!

The beagle has decided Darklis' ankle is a really fun chew toy. It hangs on, growling.

Darklis whimpers, bending to smack at the dog's head with the roll of papers.

Sprawled on the grass, the guard has lost his torch, but still manages to grab one of Nikole's wrists.

Oh, Darklis wants to _play_! The beagle abandons her ankle and seizes the interesting-smelling paper in its teeth instead.

Ack! No! Darklis tries to smack the dumb dog on the butt so it'll let go and not be able to bite her!

Nikole, taking a cue from the dog, tries to sink her teeth into the guard's hand. How was she to know the guard kept his life savings in the form of rings? *clunk* "Ow!"

The dog is unfazed by being spanked. It tugs happily at the sheaf of papers, tail wagging.

Nikole claps her free hand to her injured mouth with even less coherent expressions of pain and dismay!

Darklis hops on one foot in dismay, trying not to tug too hard on the papers. Well, okay, spanking didn't work. She tries skritching its ears and tummy. Dumb dog!

The guard clambers to his feet, slowly. "Now then, back against the wall and no more nonsense. Good dog, Bluebell."

Nikole is hauled along by the wrist, humiliatingly.

He tugs on Nikole's wrist. "There's no getting away; the city watch'll be here in a minute."

Nikole mumbles, "'Eh' 'o o' 'e!" and kicks at the guard's crotch!

Bluebell growls happily and digs her feet into the ground, tail wagging faster. She lets go of the papers and waits for Darklis to throw them.

The guard yells an impolite word and drops to his knees!

Darklis crows, "Good dog!" and makes a throwing motion with her hand, very carefully not letting go of the papers, in hopes of tricking Bluebell! And then she runs like hell for the gate! Limping!

A familiar baritone, somewhat breathless, calls from around the corner. "On my way, man! Have you got them?"

"ow ow ow - Yes! Right!" The guard levers himself to his feet, eyeing Nikole.

Darklis reaches the gate! Unfortunately, it's locked.

Nikole tosses the key to Darklis!

Nikole backs away from the guard, toward the gate. If Darklis drops the key, things could turn ugly.

Bluebell barks delightely and takes off around the corner, following the direction of the throw.

Darklis stuffs the key into the gate and unlocks it!

Darklis says, "Hurry, hurry!"

From around the corner, you hear a thump, and an irate, "Get DOWN! Bad dog! I don't have it!"

The guard lunges for Nikole!

Nikole leaps away!

Darklis pulls the key out of the gate and swings the gate open and waits and waits for Nikole! "Hurry!"

Nikole scrambles out of the way of the guard and through the gate, narrowly missing Darklis!

Darklis slams the gate shut and keeps the key!

The guard slams up against the gate, says "Ouuuuuuf!", and starts fumbling for his key.

Nikole grabs Darklis' arm and *runs*!

Fortunately, no city guard is actually in sight.

Darklis runs like hell! She also keeps an eye out for any potential men who look like she could accost them.

Nikole keeps an eye out for someplace to get out of sight!

Darklis thrusts the papers at Nikole. "Check them! Is it the poems?"

Nikole slips the ribbon off and unrolls the outer sheet.

Darklis hops. On one foot, since the other one HURTS.

Nikole still isn't saying much, though occasionally she wipes a bit of blood from her mouth.

The sheets are written on in a close, surprisingly graceful hand. The top of page one reads: "On My Lady's Elbows. Smooth as ivory, white as satin --" etc.

Nikole mumbles, "Ih's a'ou' e'ow's. *El'ows*. 'amn, I 'ink I 'oke a 'ooth."

Darklis, agonizedly, says, "*Well*? Is it the poetry? I can't *understand* you!"

Nikole nods!

Nikole puts her hand back on her mouth.

From the direction of the house, you hear the squeak of hinges, agitated voices, and barking. And footsteps.

Darklis beams! "Okay! Let's go trade them before we lose them!" She starts off down the road again, and then eyes the young man they accosted earlier. "Hang on," she says, and tears over to him, presenting the key. "Aspatia's waiting for you," she says, all breathless and wide-eyed. "She's *all* worked up."

Nikole makes muffled choking noises behind her hand.

He stares down at the key. "Uh---"

Darklis whispers, "Corner gate. She's very excited!" And then she scurries away. Limp limp limp.

Nikole finds an alley to lurk in, like a proper thief.

Before you're quite out of earshot, you can hear the young man say "Excuse me--oof!" and a lot of yelling.

Nikole looks for a slightly more distant alley. Or better yet, a street a block away, that leads back toward the Mint Mark.

.....

The Mint Mark is visible - and audible - long before you reach it. Several people are singing drunkenly inside.

Nikole walks straight in as though she owns the joint, or at least its most important feature.

Darklis hobbles in like she's the owner's best friend!

Nikole walks in just in time to hear the chorus of the song: "For they are jolly good we-enches --- and hey, they're witty too!"

Nikole stops dead as a coffin-nail!

Nikole looks around nervously...

Lots of familiar-looking people are raising glasses, drinking heavily, and not noticing you yet. The bearded thief from the Guild is seated at the bar, feeding beer nuts to the lizard.

Kempe presides over the din, waving a spoon cheerfully.

Darklis bashes into Nikole. "Ow, dammit." She looks over Nikole's shoulder, and adds, "Oh, shit."

Nikole backs up, pushing Darklis behind her, and hopes everyone was too drunk to notice.

Darklis elbows Nikole. "Hey. Wait a minute. They can't do anything to us!"

Nikole oofs as she backs into an immovable Darklis.

Nikole whispers out of the corner of her mouth, "Except steal our stuff!"

Darklis elbows Nikole again. "Which one's your poet?" She hisses back, "We don't HAVE it, you boob!"

Kempe spots you, over the crowd, and his face lights up. "Miss! Did you get it?"

Everyone turns to look towards the door. About half the mouths fall open in shock; the other half cheer. "She's back! Did you get them?"

Darklis nudges Nikole forward. "C'mon! Go make the trade!"

Nikole nervously checks behind her to make sure she has an escape route.

The bearded thief turns around on his stool,slowly.

Nikole holds the papers high, then!

There's a rousing cheer. "Yayy! Hooray for the wench!"

The stocky bearded thief slides to his feet and walks towards Nikole, slowly and deliberately.

Darklis hovers protectively at Nikole's elbow, looking big-eyed at the bearded thief!

Nikole backs away. "These are Kempe's."

"You" - he points for emphasis - "embarrassed me. Time to pay."

Nikole says "No, you looked like an ass all on your own!"

Half the room laughs, including Kempe. The other half looks personally insulted and starts getting to its feet.

He holds out a hand. "I'll take that, for starters. Hand it over."

Nikole says "Master Kempe, do you want your papers."

Nikole does *not* hand them over to Beard!

Oh dear. Darklis squeaks. "KEMPE! He's going to give them back to HER!"

Kempe yelps. "Those are mine! Hand them here this instant!" He starts to climb up onto the bar, with some difficulty.

Nikole dances backwards from Beard. "Well, hurry up!"

The thief smirks. "And what are they worth? A bar of gold, maybe? I don't think so." He grabs Nikole's wrist.

Nikole jumps back!

The patrons whisper and mutter, discussing this. "They're Kempe's." "No, Joss gets them." "No, Kempe gets the papers and Joss gets the gold." "No way! It's theirs fair and square." "Are you calling me a liar?" "Why, you -"

Nikole says "This is what you call a fair test? You wouldn't gang up on the boys!"

Darklis says "Yeah!"

Darklis looks defiant!

"Who's ganging? It's just you and me, babe. And then your friend." He reaches for the papers with his other hand.

Nikole holds the papers behind her, out of reach! (But within reach of Darklis!)

Darklis snags the papers!

A general fistfight seems imminent; people are slamming beer mugs onto tables, stamping, and arguing loudly. In all the confusion, hardly anybody sees the big red lizard slink off the bartop and pace along the floor towards you.

Deftly, the thief flips Nikole over by one wrist and pins her painfully against him. "Drop those, or I break her arm."

Kempe is standing on the bar, yelling. "Mine! Give those here!" He's about three and a half feet tall, now that you can see all of him.

Nikole has one hand free, which means she can reach down behind her, grab some things Beard is very fond of, and *pull*.

He steps back nimbly, out of reach. Right onto the lizard's head.

Darklis prepares to not drop, but throw, the papers, and then all hell appears to break loose, so she doesn't yet.

An instant later he screams, releasing Nikole, and collapses onto the floor. The lizard seems to be trying to eat his foot.

Darklis, impressed, says, "Wow."

Nikole takes three steps away from the scrum. "Good lizard!"

Darklis steps very carefully around the screaming thief, and towards the bar. "Master Kempe?" she asks of the short man dancing on the bar.

Nikole beckons Kempe over while Beard is busy.

The other thieves, sensing a difficulty, surge towards you in a drunken mass.

Nikole grabs Darklis and backpedals quickly!

Kempe holds out a hand desperately. "Here!"

Darklis yells, "GOLD!" and doesn't want to give up the papers until she has the bar!

"I don't have the key!" he yells back despairingly, over the shouting. "Give it here and I'll send for it!"

Nikole says "No gold, no poems! Should we take them back?"

He waves his hands despairingly. "No, wait! Um. You! Fetch Ursula!" The man he points to leaps to his feet and scurries off behind the bar.

Nikole continues backing away from the crowd of thieves...

Joss continues to clutch at his foot, screaming. A low slurp-chomping noise filters through the noise of the fight going on.

Darklis, loudly, says, "Shouldnt' somebody help Joss?" She looks meaningfully at all the drunken thieves.

By the door, from the looks of things, about fourteen thieves want to prevent you from leaving, and ten helpful Mint Mark regulars want to stop them.

Nikole backs up right into the bar, bump. (Look! Finally she runs into something not chest-first!)

Kempe grabs Nikole's wrist.

Nikole is getting awfully sick of being grabbed by the wrist! She grabs a heavy pewter mug of beer off the bar and brandishes it at Kempe! "You'll get the papers when we get the gold!"

"No going anywhere until I get my poems!" he hisses desperately. "A deal's a deal!"

Darklis hisses back, "Well, can we hide behind the bar, then?!?"

He blinks, startledly. "Oh. Good idea."

Nikole jumps up to sit on the bar and swings her legs over to land on the other side.

Darklis and her bleeding ankle scramble up over the bar and thump down to the other side!

Nikole says "You better do something about *them!*" She waves the mug at the thieves. "If they get the poems, you'll never see them!""

Darklis starts looking around for a mug. She could use a drink.

People gradually leave off fighting to stare, slack-jawed, at the scene on the floor. Joss is still screaming.

Darklis winces. "Master Kempe, can you make your lizard stop eating Joss? He wasn't *that* bad."

Nikole peers curiously at Joss.

Hey. Nikole has a mug. "Gimme that." Darklis reaches for Nikole's mug and then looks for beer. Or something.

Nikole holds onto the mug! She needs it to threaten Kempe into letting go!

Kempe lets go of Nikole's wrist. "No worries," he says comfortably. "Pumpkin never lets go once he's started a meal."

Nikole hands over the mug, then. "Ew! You mean he's going to eat him whole?"

Darklis takes the mug, and finds some beer, looking horrified. "He doesn't deserve to get *eaten*!"

He pours beer into the mug and hands it back. "Maybe! Usually he gets full around the thighbones, though."

Darklis adds, "Where's our gold?"

One of the thieves approaches the bar, skirting gingerly around the lizard. "Uh...Master Kempe?"

Darklis beams and takes a long swig of beer. Distracts her from the screaming, it does.

"Yes?" Kempe doesn't look up. He pours another mug of beer for Nikole, and then one for himself.

Nikole looks uncomfortable. She leans down next to Kempe's ear, and whispers, "You're joking, right?"

The thief coughs. "Er. Do you suppose you could get the lizard to stop?"

Nikole takes a huge grateful swig of beer and then goes "OW!" (spraying beer all over) as the alcohol hits the cut in her mouth.

Darklis tugs on Kempe's shoulder. "Please? I don't want him to get eaten all up!"

The tiny barman doesn't look like he's joking. "He tried to take my property. Pumpkin's trained to object to that."

Darklis ews at Nikole. "Open up, let me see if you lost a tooth. Master Kempe, he won't do it again!" If for no other reason than his foot's being chewed off.

The thief chimes in with Darklis, "Please...his ma'll be terrible upset." Several other people nod agreement, looking sick.

Kempe looks dubious. "Can't set a bad example."

Nikole says "If he dies, we might be disqualified, and then we won't need the bar, and won't have any reason to give you the poems."

Nikole looks all reasonable.

Nikole opens her mouth to let Darklis look.

Darklis' eyes widen. "I bet he'll tell people to not -- " That's a much better arguement. "And *she* might buy them back." She peers into Nikole's mouth.

"Here," offers the thief desperately, "take this in recompense." He spreads a handful of copper and silver on the table.

To the sound of strangled screams - the lizard has reached the ankle - the other thieves come forward too, until there's a large heap of cash on the bar.

Kempe sighs, long-sufferingly. "All right. Pumpkin, back."

Nikole just has a cut on her gum, presumably from a stone on one of the guard's rings.

The lizard waddles back to the bar, burping gently. Hastily the thieves drag Joss out the door.

Nikole looks considerably relieved, although still somewhat foolish with her mouth wide open.

Pumpkin levers himself up onto the bartop and burps at Nikole.

"Just a cut," Darklis reports. "Don't poke at it with your tongue and it'll heal right up. Oh, *thank* you, Master Kempe."

Nikole takes a smaller sip of beer, wincing. "I reckon he's never going to forgive us, though."

Kempe sweeps the mass of coins into a bag, whistling cheerfully. "Twenty-three years in this bar, and never a theft. Pumpkin's my darling, isn't he?" He skitches the lizard under the chin.

Nikole very carefully rubs the top of Pumpkin's head. "You're such a fierce lizard, aren't you?"

Nikole . o O ( Better stay on Pumpkin's good side! )

The door opens again, and Ursula sails in. "My, who was that screaming man?" she remarks. "You're looking well, Kempe."

Darklis sinks down to rest her forehead against the bar. "What a day." She remembers her ankle and lifts it up to inspect the damage.

Pumpkin cocks his head and looks at Nikole with red beady eyes.

Nikole offers Pumpkin some beer.

"Ah, Ursula!" Kempe waves her over. "Thank you kindly. The usual?"

Pumpkin happily slurps up some of Nikole's beer. Unfortunately there are now...things...floating in the mug.

"Don't mind if I do," she responds happily, settling into a barstool. "Mis No-Name, Miss Dara, you're looking the worse for wear."

Nikole says "It's been an exciting night."

Darklis straightens up from inspecting her ankle, which presumably has not turned gangerous and fallen off. "It's been a day," she say solemnly.

She cackles. "Did you find a boyfriend?"

Nikole gives Pumpkin all the rest of the beer. Yuck.

Darklis nods. "But then he ran off." She sticks her lower lip out, grinning.

Nikole has no problem sharing her drink with animals, but draws the line at cannibalism.

Nikole says "Hey!"

Slurp slurp gulp.

Nikole sulks.

"Ursula," Kempe puts in, "may I trouble you for the key?"

Nikole says "Maybe I'll become a spinster. I hate boys."

She makes a production of searching for it, rooting around in her many petticoats, opening her purse, snickering at Nikole, but at last produces a slim brass wand. "There!"

Nikole sulks more when snickered at, and gets a fresh mug of beer. She sips it disconsolately.

Kempe points the wand at the sparkling field over the bar, with a flourish. It goes "bleep!" and vanishes. The bar of gold falls neatly into his hand.

The tiny man holds it up. "My poems, ladies?"

Darklis pulls them out from under her shirt! "Your poems, sir!"

"ohhhs" and "ahhhs" of admiration come from the remaining patrons, who have all gathered around to watch.

Nikole says "Have you picked out the new name for the tavern?"

Kempe exchanges gold for poetry solemnly. With a sniff, he ruffles through them. "All here...what's this wet bit? Teeth marks?"

Nikole says "Don't ask."

Darklis, wide-eyed, says, "Nikole got hungry."

"Hmph!" he says sourly. "I bet she gave them to her lapdog."

Nikole sticks her tongue out at Darklis.

He beams at Nikole. "Why yes. The Wronged Man. Doesn't that have a ring to it?"

Nikole says "It sure does!"

Nikole lifts her mug high! "The Wronged Man!"

Kempe hands the poems to Martin, who holds them up on the wall while he points the brass wand at them. "bloop!" The sparkling field reappears.

Darklis lifts her mug! "To the Wronged Man!"

"The Wronged Man!" Everyone raises their glasses high and drinks.

Nikole takes a big slug of beer unpolluted by stupid thief bits. Ow. But she needs it.

"Well," says Kempe happily. "This is as it should be. One round on the house!" Another cheer.

Darklis drinks very quickly, so she can take advantage of the round on the house!

Nikole says to Darklis, "We should get going, I reckon." She doesn't actually move, though.

Darklis lifts a finger at Nikole. "First," she proclaims, "we need to talk to Ursula about her *wizard*." She nodnods.

Nikole says "Oh right!"

Kempe blinks. "Ursula has a wizard?"

Darklis says "She said she did!"

Ursula blinks. "Haven't seen him." She hiccups. "Hasn't been home in three days, the rat."

Nikole says "But you said you know where he goes?"

Darklis hms. "Damn. Do -- what she said."

(Ursula has taken advantage of several rounds on the house, while you were distracted.)

"Nope. Good riddance to bad lodgers!" She toasts herself.

Darklis hmphs. "She said to try the bars, earlier. I guess we'll have to do that."

Darklis clunks her mug against Nikole's. "Let's go to Mindy's, then!"

Nikole says "Mindy's!"

Nikole clunks her mug against Darklis's, sloshing a bit of beer onto the floor. Her aim is not the best.

Darklis giggles, finishes her beer, and heads out the door, precious gold bar clutched under her shirt.

Nikole goes after Darklis, out the front door, so that if the thieves show up, they can scream for help.